Let us talk about your house.
Not the bricks and morter one, down the road, on the corner next to the traffic lights.
The house that goes everywhere with you.
The house, inside your head.
You cannot move out of it and the upkeep can be tiresome and sometimes excruciating.
Imagine each aspect of your house to be an element of you memories, your mind.
It is your mental health.
Some people are lucky enough to have orderly and happy houses with little upkeep.
If you read my previous blog then you’ll already be aware that my own house is, what can only be described as a contrast of heaven and hell.
As a sufferer of anxiety, PTSD and panic disorder maintaining control of my own mental structure is mostly exhausting.
Struggling with the restoration and upkeep of my own mind, I feel that finding an analogy which puts mental health into perspective is a key to not only trying to repair and restore, but also and very importantly, it helps others to acknowledge and empathise with the hurdles many of us face on a day to day basis.
I watch as mould forms and expands in the rooms above but often cannot find the strength or the energy to clean it, or call for help.
I wish I could find the motivation and resislience to go through the rooms and cupboards with a fine tooth comb, removing unwanted clutter, dusting the sides down and generally fixing the damage that has beeen done over a period of years.
The rooms upstairs are laden with bad memories, struggles, nightmares, panic… to name just a few.
In fact all the rooms have names and I spend too much time up there, which is what has driven me to write about this subject.
Plus, I know I am not alone in this.
When you suffer with mental health issues of any description, the clutter can get out of control and entire rooms (or floors, in my case!) can be become overwhelmed, dysfunctional, and painful to be in.
But, with damage comes repair, and reminding yourself of that over and over again, on a day to day basis is one of the first steps to managing your mind.
I want to focus on those of us (and there are MANY) who struggle with upkeep and plead internally for restoration.
Did you realize that every time you put a foot forward, you are winning.
The first foot that hits the floor as you climb out of bed in the morning is a win.
When you’re contending with depression, anxiety, PTSD or any other form of mental health battle, Every. Step. Is. A. Win.
It has been a long and painful journey for me to register the wins and appreciate that trying, in itself, is achieving.
One of the hardest aspects of living with mental health issues is waking up in the morning and realizing, with dread and tears, that they haven’t gone away.
The feelings of inadequacy are still there.
The hollow pit of despair in your stomach still resides.
The desire to ‘get up and get going’ has abandoned you, as it did the day before.
Everything is one huge knot of confusion and pain.
Tasks that need to be done overwhelm you to the point where burying your head in the proverbial sand seems to be the best and only option.
My words of advice that follow, will not make these feelings go away.
If it was as simple as that then we’d all be racing around like happy, goofy things, getting shit done.
Despite the house in your head being a cruel and forgiving place to be, there are strategies I have found that can ease the weight, making the burden less heavy to carry.
Acknowledging every step I take and ticking boxes helps me to get though the bad days.
I quietly but firmly praise myself for putting both feet on the floor every morning.
I’ve stepped forward.
I’ve made way for another positive move, however insignificant it might seem to somebody else.
But someone else doesn’t matter at this point.
You matter.
A small but important task is to take a sip of water when I wake up. I always have a glass or bottle of it by my bed and I find it awakens my senses.
Your senses are either dulled or massively heightened during periods of depression and anxiety and coaxing them into a normal state can be really beneficial.
That one sip of water can, believe it or not, help to balance things out.
It doesn’t work for everyone, but I find that it helps me.
If you try it and it works? You’ve ticked a box before you’ve even considered getting out of bed.
Working your way through the day pretty much relies on ticking those boxes.
If it helps, you could physically write things down, so that by the end of the day you can physically SEE what you have achieved.
Did you brush your hair?
Did you brush your teeth?
Did you make a coffee?
These are ALL wins and I cannot reiterate that enough.
In my day to day life I try to give myself a tick in the proverbial box for everything that I achieve.
Many days my mental health leaves me disillusioned and paralysed in fear. Getting dressed feels like standing at the bottom of a mountain with no provisions for the climb ahead.
Washing my hair feels like an impossible task. Enough for me to break down in tears.
At times like this I attempt to remind myself how important it is that I THOUGHT about it.
Yes, even acknowledging the thought process is a success, and that could lead you to do it for real, later in the day, or maybe tomorrow
Most people find it easier to make steps with a positive thought.
‘Ive thought about washing my hair, which means I want to do it and if I want to do it, I can’
Say it out loud.
Try to remind yourself that each step is a move. It’s fluid. It’s leading you somewhere.
Remember, every move is a win.
Peace and Carrots, until next time.
XxX
Weeping Walls 